Supporting Survivors
Supporting Survivors
When an individual discloses an experience of harassment, sexual assault, relationship violence and/or stalking, that person’s response can significantly impact the individual’s healing process. A person’s response could affect whether they seek additional help and support.
Sometimes individuals may disclose to someone in person. In contrast, others may share openly about their experience through an online platform or public opportunity to speak out.
Whether you are a friend, family member, Resident Advisor, professor, or staff member, there are things you can do and say to support an individual who discloses an incident to you. Listening, validating them, and finding information about resources can be a great place to start. It is imperative to respect an individual’s decisions in what help and support they seek and to let them lead the way in coping and healing.
Mandatory reporting requirement
All UNCSA employees who learn about potential sexual misconduct are required to share that information with the Title IX office. When reported conduct involves suspected abuse or neglect of a minor, the conduct is required to be reported to child protective services(opens in new tab).
Support Tips
Tips for family and friends
As a friend or family member, it can be challenging to know someone you care about has experienced sexual assault, dating (relationship) violence, and/or stalking. You can help them regain control by listening to them, asking if they would like information and options, and always respecting their decisions.
There is no set timeline for coping or healing, and providing support is important — even weeks, months, or years later. There is no typical or standard way someone responds to experiencing dating or sexual violence. The best course of action to help someone is to ask them what they need and offer to connect them with professional support. Below are suggestions for ways to navigate how to help:
- Seek immediate professional help if your friend or loved one displays any suicidal or self-harming behaviors or if
you are worried about their emotional or physical well-being. Learn more about immediate
crisis resources and other mental health support resources through this site's Get Help section.
- Believe your friend or loved one. Individuals can have varied responses to trauma, and it is common for the person
who experienced the trauma to have gaps in memory, not remember details, or share
information in bits and pieces. It is important to validate what they share with you
and let them know you believe them.
- Let your friend or loved one decide how they want to cope with their experience. Some individuals might want to connect with resources for help and support immediately,
and others might want to wait. Some individuals might want to report to the police
and/or the University, and some may not. Let your friend or loved one lead the way
in what they need and: offer to gather information, connect with resources and support
them in their decisions when they are ready.
- Manage your own emotions. As survivors might experience a range of emotions, you might as well. It is okay
to share your feelings, but make sure you are focusing on their emotions. Seek your own support to support your friend or loved one. Help is available for you as a secondary survivor
supporting your loved one through their healing process.
- Avoid judgment or blame you may feel towards your friend or loved one regarding any circumstances surrounding
the incident. Remember, nothing they did justifies someone else harming them. How
you react to the information may differ significantly from how they react. Follow
their lead.
- Recognize your friend or loved one's need for privacy. Your friend or loved one's boundaries have been violated and reclaiming personal
space is important. Respect the time and space it takes to heal after an incident.
While it can be human nature to want details and to ask questions, focus more on what
they need. Avoid sharing information about their experience with others unless they
give you explicit permission.
- Take care of yourself. Educate yourself about sexual assault, dating violence, and stalking. You can learn
more about responding to trauma (information below), coping strategies, and an individual's
healing process. Many resources on campus and in the community are also available
to help support friends and family members.
- Check in with your friend or loved one. Talk with them to see what seems most helpful moving forward. Sometimes individuals want to talk and process their experience. Sometimes they want to work toward returning to their regular routines, interactions, etc. Be open to letting them guide whether, when, and how they talk about their experiences, and ask what seems helpful moving forward. Would they like you to check in explicitly about their experience, or would they prefer to initiate the conversation with you?
Friends and family members can seek support from the UNCSA Counseling Center, Family Services of Forsyth County, Compass Center, RAINN or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
To learn more about supporting someone, please consider these resources:
Tips for employees
As a faculty or staff member, you might be someone a student or colleague trusts to share their experience. It may be challenging for faculty or staff to know someone in their space has experienced sexual assault, relationship violence, and/or stalking. You can help them regain autonomy and choice by listening, asking what they need, offering to provide information and options, and respecting their decisions. There is no timeline for coping or healing; providing support is important — even weeks, months, or years later.
- Believe them. Individuals have varied responses to trauma, and it is common to have gaps in memory, not to remember details, or to share information in bits and pieces. It is important to validate what they share with you and let them know you believe them.
- All employees must report information about sexual harassment or discrimination to the Title IX Office. If you are a Responsible Employee or Campus Security Authority, practice sharing that status regularly and before someone discloses it to you. If a student or colleague starts to share something with you that feels personal, remind them you are not a confidential resource and must relay specific information to the Title IX office. Sharing information with the Title IX office does not automatically instigate a formal investigation by the University. Title IX's response will focus on providing resources and options to the individual and offering to help them connect with any support they might need. Contact the Title IX office if you are a responsible employee and have questions about this process.
- Seek immediate professional help if the individual displays any suicidal or self-harming behaviors or if you are worried about their emotional or physical well-being. Learn more about immediate crisis resources and other mental health support resources through this site's Get Help section.
- Let the individual decide how they want to cope with their experience. Some individuals might want to connect with resources for help and support immediately, and others might want to wait a bit. Some individuals might want to report to the police and/or the University, and some might not. Let them lead the way in what they need and what seems helpful to seek out: offer to gather information, connect with resources, and support them in their decisions when they are ready.
- Manage your own emotions. Just as an individual might experience various emotions, you might as well. It is okay to share your feelings, but make sure you are focusing on their emotions. Seek out your own support so that you can support them.
- Avoid judgment or blame you may feel towards your friend regarding any circumstances surrounding the incident. Remember, nothing they did justifies someone harming them.
- Recognize the individual's need for privacy. The individual's boundaries have been violated and reclaiming personal space is important. Respect the time and space it takes to heal after an incident. While it can be human nature to want details and ask questions, focus more on what your loved one needs in the moment and moving forward. Avoid sharing information about their experience with others unless they give you explicit permission.
- Take care of yourself. Educate yourself about sexual assault, dating violence, or stalking. You can also learn more about trauma responses, coping strategies, and an individual's healing process. Many resources on campus and in the community are also available to help support you, too.
- Check in with them. Talk with the individual to see what seems most helpful for them moving forward. Sometimes individuals want to talk and process their experience. Sometimes they want to work toward returning to their regular routines, interactions, etc. Be open to letting them guide whether, when, and how they talk about their experiences, and ask what seems helpful moving forward. Would they like you to check in explicitly about their experience or would they prefer to initiate the conversation about this with you?
Employees can seek support from the UNCSA Counseling Center, Family Services of Forsyth County, Compass Center, RAINN or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
To learn more about supporting someone, please consider these resources:
Disclosing you are a required reporter
We encourage you to remind individuals of your reporting obligations prior to their disclosure. This is not meant to discourage individuals from reporting, but provides them the ability to decide if there is another person who is a confidential resources that they may be more comfortable disclosing to.
Sample Language
“I want you to know I appreciate you coming to me and I am here to support you in any way that I am able. But I want to make sure you know that as a responsible employee, I am required to report concerns of sexual harassment and sexual violence to the Title IX Office.”
“After I report to the Title IX Office, you will receive an email from the Title IX Coordinator with resources and offering to meet with you to discuss additional support or complaint options. It’s up to you to decide if you want to meet with them or not, and moving forward it will be your decision of what you want to do next.”
